Meeting the parents

Stuck in traffic with my girlfriend last Friday afternoon, I reached for the protein shake I had prepared before I left the house. After taking a big swig of the chocolate-and-water mixture, something happened. The bottle tipped sideways and as I violently grabbed it with my other hand to prevent a disaster, the beverage sprayed onto the dash, my jeans, and the floormat.

Thirty minutes later, I was drinking from a bottle of water when I spilled some of that into the center console of my better half's Honda Civic. "Are you nervous to meet parents honey?" she asked.

And so it began.

Meeting the parents. It is a big step in any relationship. I had been telling all of my friends about my big Easter weekend plans, and the same question kept coming up: "So Jason, are you nervous?"

Frankly, I wasn't nervous. I was excited to meet the molders of this wonderful person in my life. They live on the water, complete with a dock, a handful of boats, and enough fishing rods to supply a charter boat. Nervous? Heck no.

We arrived at her parents at 6:30 that night, after sitting through hours of holiday weekend traffic. When I got out of the car and started to walk toward the house, that's when the nerves arrived. It wasn't bad, but I wanted to make a good impression. I greeted her parents and instantly felt welcomed. It was such a comforting feeling.

There are a few issues that always come up when you visit your other half's parents. Well, atleast in my mind. Here are a few examples.

Sleeping arrangements. This is a big one. Some parents do not mind their son or daughter staying in the same room as their significant other in their house, some do. This is usually worked out prior to the visit so there are no questions.

The bathroom. Ah yes. The bathroom. This may not be an issue for the ladies, but us fellas always think about this. You can't spend too long in the bathroom doing, uh, bathroom stuff, because the parents might think you are weird. And I cannot stress this enough: Always, always, always make sure there is an ample supply of toilet paper before closing the door behind you. Running out of that stuff in my girlfriend's parents' house might be my worst nightmare. That, or having to pull her aside and ask, "Does your dad have a plunger?"

Alcohol consumption. This might be the determining factor. Meeting the parents is big. Huge. And you do not, I repeat do not, want to ruin an otherwise meaningful relationship by being "Colleen's drunk boyfriend." Symptoms of this include yelling obscenities, relieving yourself on the backyard storage shed, and planting an open-mouth kiss on Aunt Doris. If you suffer from any of these, immediately retreat and call for backup.

Despite what you might think after reading the above, my weekend went perfect. We attended a cookout at Colleen's brother and sister-in-law's house on Saturday, I played my guitar for her parents and sister that night, and went to Easter Mass Sunday morning.

The latest exit polls show that I have the family's approval, so I am on the right track. I am just happy I didn't pull a Ben Stiller (the male nurse) and really screw it up.

-Jason