A trip to the grocery store

Let me start this by saying that I just wrote this long post and as I was wrapping it up, something happened and I lost the whole thing!! I'd like to add a few choice words in here to vent my frustration, but we try to keep Jason's blog at a G rating. But all that ingenious writing! Here's another version ...

I stopped at Giant Foods on my way home tonight. Is this worth a blog post? I don't know, but I am writing one anyway.

I entered the store knowing I needed the basics: bread, milk, deli meat, and bottled water. But we all know that it is impossible to stick to that shopping list we write out before leaving the house. So many things to buy!

As I walked in, the first thing I saw was the produce section. Browsing through it, I threw a couple bosc pears in my shopping cart to begin the fun. Asparagus. Oh yeah. I chop those up, pan fry them in olive oil, sprinkle on some salt pepper ... damn straight. Gotta get some of these. Apple cider? One of my favorites. Put that next to the pears. Hmmm. What else? Wandering aimlessly for a few minutes, I decided to get some dried apricots. They're always a good snack and they're quite healthy. But as I picked them up, I hesitated. Do I really want these? Not knowing what to do, I looked up and spied a display of pineapple. Should I buy one? I don't even know how the hell to open the thing. Long story short, I bought the pineapple. It is now sitting in my refrigerator and I have no freekin idea what to do with it.

Ok now what? Looking up at the signs above each aisle, I searched for bread. But I couldn't find it. yyyeeaaahh. Better take the safe route and start at one end of the store. As I reached the last aisle, I knew why I had gone that way: milk. Good call Devaney. I chose a gallon of skim milk and placed it next to the cider. Check.

The next aisle over was the pasta one. I try to keep my pasta intake to a big ole' plate of wheat spaghetti twice a week, but it's such an easy meal! Having a tendency to be lazy in the kitchen, I decided to stock up. Two boxes.

Ahh, the bread aisle. White bread, no. Finger rolls, no. Sub rolls, no. Wheat bread. Perfect. Scanning the shelf top to bottom, I found my 12-grain loaf and tossed it in. And what does every loaf of bread need? Meat of course! But wait, something is wrong. Houston, we have a problem. As I walked toward the deli, it seemed dark. Where is the deli counter meat-slicer person? Damn! Closed. At this late hour of 11:15 p.m., I should have known the deli would be shut down for the night. Guess I'll have to make a return trip tomorrow.

Having gotten everything but the bottled water on my makeshift shopping list, I headed toward the other end of the store. Ok, just a few more aisles. Don't give in to the temptation. I ended up torturing myself and taking a stroll past the snacks and baked goods, but I stood my ground and kept walking. HOO-RAAHH!

As I approached the bottled water area, I saw the frozen foods section two aisles past it. And immediately, one thing came to mind: frozen pizza. Sure, it's loaded with bad carbs, saturated fat, and calories, but they're so good! Not to mention easy ... even easier than pasta. You open the box, cut off the plastic, throw said pizza in the oven, and you're eating in 14 minutes. Walking up to the pizza case, I read a sign that said, "Tony's, 3/$10." What a deal! And what freezer is complete without a frozen pizza or two? Or three? I grabbed one pepperoni, two cheese, and headed toward my last scheduled stop of the night.

The bottled water aisle. I drink this stuff like it's, well, water. Those of you who have been to my apartment can attest to that. I always have a huge case of it in my kitchen. Surveying the shelves, I noticed something. Why are they so bare? There was hardly any water left. I saw some Poland Spring, but that costs too much. Nestle? What the hell is that? I've never heard of Nestle brand water and I didn't want to find out what it was. Where is Deer Park? I hate to say this, but Giant was out of Deer Park water and Devaney almost went into panic mode. What am I going to drink tomorrow? Oh wait, I have apple cider and milk in the cart, and some juice at the house. Wow, that was close.

Leaving the water aisle empty handed, I felt a huge void. And what better to fill that void than 12 ounces of citrus wonder? In the words of Judge Smails of Caddyshack, "How about a Fresca?" When all else fails, when there is nothing left to satisfy one's thirst, a cold, crisp, and refreshing Fresca always does the trick. With an extra bounce in my step and a huge smile on my face, I raced over to the soda aisle, grabbed a 12-pack of liquid heaven, and called it a night.

I could bore you with the details of using the always entertaining self checkout, or that my cart almost ran away from me at my car (I had to quickly dash away from my door to save the cart from a collision course with the vehicle sitting 15 feet away), but this post is long enough as it is. Maybe tomorrow I'll write about unloading my treasures from the car to the apartment. Oh yeah. Exciting stuff.

-Jason