Blog ideas

Jason's Blog receives hundreds of emails every day from dedicated fans. Being a good sport, I go through all of these emails and respond to each and every one of them. Why? Because I care. I don't write in this space for myself. No, I write it for the loyal members of Jason's Blog Nation.

Ok so that was slightly inaccurate. I don't receive hundreds of emails every day. But if I did, I think the No. 1 question would be, "Almightly Jason, how do you create such wonderful columns and where do these ideas come from?" Do you wanna know? I'll tell you.

If I am driving down the road and see something funny, I'll say to myself, "I should write a blog on that." Like last week when I went to Starbucks before work. My latest Starbucks drink is a decaf, grande, light whip, skim milk, cinnamon dolce latte (yes, it is really that long). But once in a while, I just want to have a coffee. A black decaf with a few sprinkles of cinnamon. When the guy at the counter asked me what I wanted, I said "tall decaf please." The dude looked at me funny, as if to say, "Coffee? You want a coffee? Nobody drinks just coffee anymore!" I thought that was funny.

I find it very humorous that I think about this blog all the time. Whatever I do, wherever I go, I look for things to write about. I guess that's a good thing though because I am working on my creative writing skills.

While listening to Sean Hannity on the radio, I feel like writing about the whole damn show. That guy is a genius and I love his conservative ways. On today's show, he played some clips of Ted Kennedy on the Senate floor sounding like a complete moron. I thought it was hilarious! The guy that comes on after Hannity calls Kennedy "the Cape Cod Orca."

And "24?" Yeah. I could write about that show all day every day and not grow tired of it. But I know some of you would, so I'll try to keep the "24" stuff to a minimum. Tonight's show was insane though! When Jack held that knife to Cummings' face and got the info. out of him, that was freekin awesome. I get so pumped watching that show.

Before I lose all of you, there is one more thing I'd like to say. To this date, I have made a whopping $1.85 from the ad clicks and google searches on this site. Yes! Do you even know what I could buy with that kind of cash? That's like 18 York Peppermint Patties @ $.10 each. Or I could purchase seven packs of Juicy Fruit. If I really want to splurge, that would get me an extra extra extra extra extra extra small popcorn at the movie theatre. Hold the butter please.

-Jason

Where do I begin?

Hey folks. Well, the staff of Jason's Blog has a new home. We packed up all our gear and moved to a townhouse in Sterling, Va. I have two housemates now and I am excited to be here! Better place to live, A LOT less rent, and when I become a Virginia resident on the books, I can take advantage of the concealed weapon law!

I have So Much to Say right now it's ridiculous. Moving stories, new house stories, even a tale about me, some dude, and a bit of road rage. Good times. So without sending you further down the path of boredom, here's a bit about the past few days ...

Thankfully I had Friday night off, so I packed up my stuff and cleaned the apartment until 2 a.m. After seeing the job I did on the bathroom, my mother would have been proud. I could almost see my reflection in the shower tile! I had a huge computer desk, but that is now sitting in a dumpster somewhere. As I tried to move it out of my room, one of the side panels ripped out and it was rendered useless. I am not too upset though because it honestly would not have fit out of that awkwardly-angled doorway. I now find myself sitting on the floor, keyboard in lap, mouse, CPU, and monitor on my TV stand. Yeah, I am ghetto.

The move on Saturday went pleasantly well. No issues, returned the uhaul on time. You know what I hate about uhaul? They advertise the price as $19.99/day. But that is what you pay if you rent the truck, let it sit in the parking lot, and return the keys before the allotted six hours are up. After I drove 80 miles roundtrip, put $13 of gas in the tank, and paid for Lord knows what else, I was out $147.85. What happened to the $19.99 that I see on the side of those trucks?

Have you ever been in the shower when all of a sudden the hot water magically disappears? Before work last night I jumped in the shower. Well, it was more of a step than a jump. My shower routine is soap, face, shampoo, always in that order. I remember washing my hair first once and I was all confused. But I digress. I was at the face stage last night when the hot water was out. Nothing at all. For the next five minutes, I hopped back and forth into the ice-cold stream to wash my face and hair. It was an experience.

If you've made it this far, congratulations. I have managed to keep atleast one reader on this space. For the rest of this story, please turn to page A18.

I almost died on the way to work last night. That might be a tad of an exaggeration, but I was almost sideswiped by some moron. I pulled onto Rt. 28 and I saw this car coming up behind me getting closer. And closer. And closer. Have you ever been pulled over by the Mass. State Police? They practically drive into your front seat as they call in your tag. This guy was that close to me.

I tapped my brakes a few times, just to let him know I saw him and that I didn't like his tailgating attitude. He backed off, got into the left lane (I was in the middle), and started passing me. Just before his rear bumper was past my nose, he cut right in front of me into my lane!!! I laid on the horn, turned on my high beams (not flashed ... turned them ON), and let this guy have it. If I had not slammed on my brakes he would have hit me. He sped away and although there was a part of me that wanted to follow him and continue this game, I figured it wasn't worth it.

Welcome to Virginia I guess.

-Jason
p.s. Did you see the Dave Matthews Band reference in this post? No? Keep looking.

More on my obsession

I met a girl at the bar last night. I actually met her a few weeks ago, but she came back again last night so we hung out and talked for a while. I called her up today and we set up a dinner date for Monday night.

That's good huh? The brain behind Jason's Blog has a date. But I made a stipulation to her ... I told her that I HAVE to watch "24" on Monday night after our meal. I said that I never miss any part of any of the episodes and that we would have to watch it together! Thankfully, she told me last night that she also watches "24," so we're covered. Apparently her roommate is also obsessed like me, so we're going to sit down and watch Jack Bauer be his superhero self (click here for more on this: http://cnotesspeaks.blogspot.com/2006/01/evolution-of-superhero.html.

This brings up a legitimate question though. Have I let this show control my life? I mean, I just met this girl and I am giving her the impression that watching "24" is the most important part of every Monday night! Well you know what? I will say this ... I let it control my Mondays last season and I'll be damned if I go a Monday without missing this season's show!! My fellow 24-ites can relate to this.

My boss actually bought seasons 1-4 recently and he has been watching them at work in his office ... he sits down and watches like 5-6 hours of "24" at a time, takes a quick break, and goes to the next hour! THAT is dedication. One month ago, he had never seen the show. Now he is on season 4 and into it just as much as I am.

So here's to Jack Bauer and the crew controlling our every Monday!

-Jason

This, that, and the other

Does anyone ever cook the right amount of pasta? I made my weekly plate of wheat spaghetti for dinner tonight (I know, I am mano) but I made too much. It is so hard to get that right. As I am ripping the dry spaghetti in half before tossing it in the boiling water, I say out loud, "Is that enough? I don't know. Maybe I'll add a little more." The worst thing that could happen is that we could make too LITTLE. That would be a tragedy. "I can't go to work hungry! I'll add a few more strands ..."

Do you know what makes me laugh? Watching the shy muscle-head dude at a bar try to talk to a girl. I was at work tonight and saw this short-but-ripped guy leaning on the wall next to the dance floor. His buddy was dancing with some chick, but this kid was just standing there, with a look of total fear on his face, as some other chick was dancing in front of him. It was obvious that they were together (or atleast trying), but it was painful to watch. The kid wasn't saying a word, wasn't dancing at all, and was gripping his bottle of Bud Light so hard that I thought it was going to break in his hands. Thankfully, they got off the dance floor after the song and retired to a spot at the end of the bar. But the awkwardness did not stop there. More silence followed, along with the "deer in the headlights" look on this dude's face. It was bad. How do you expect to have a good time when you have the personality of a freekin rock?

How about shaking hands with the overly-firm-grip guy, guy? I recently shook someone's hand and I gave him my normal handshake ... firm but even pressure, one pump, thumb not too aggressive. What I got in return was the death squeeze. You know, the single pump that briefly cuts off the circulation in your fingers. The one that feels like your hand is in a vice grip. Yeah. That one. I had to check capillary refill in my fingertips afterward to make sure he didn't do any permanent damage.

For my next joke, I will need a volunteer from the audience. Actually no. Most of you can't relate to this, but I'll say it anyway. Is it me, or does EVERYONE in Washington, DC smoke cigarettes? I work at a bar for the time being (not for too much longer though) and even when we are beyond packed, it seems like every person in that bar is smoking a cancer stick. It baffles my mind. The DC smoking ban was recently passed and it will go into effect in about a year. Can't wait for that.

Thank you. You're a great audience. I will give bonus points to anyone who can name the Seinfeld episode I pulled the title of this column from. I still don't know what the hell a bonus point is though.

-Jason

Daycare shooting

I woke up this morning, turned on the news, and what do I hear? There was a shooting inside a Germantown, Md. daycare today. And no, the shooter was not some crazed parent or a psycho gunman that was able to gain access. The triggerman was an 8-year-old boy.

Think about that. An 8-year-old?? I don't know about you, but when I was 8, I was riding my bike up and down the street, getting dirty, and coming home with holes in the knees of my pants. The thought of even SEEING a gun never crossed my mind.

The victim of this very unfortunate incident was a 7-year-old girl. Apparently the boy brought the gun from home in his backpack. At some point, just before 7 a.m., he was handling it inside the backpack at the daycare center when the .38 caliber revolver discharged and the girl was hit in the arm. This little girl is pretty damn lucky because if she was hit a few inches over in her chest, we might be talking about a "fatal shooting."

More details were released today as the investigation unfolded and it is now known that the boy took the gun and bullets from an unlocked container in a closet that stored his father's items. The gun belonged to his father. As a result, the father has been arrested and charged with leaving a firearm in a location accessible by an unsupervised minor, contributing to the delinquency of a minor, and possession of a firearm by a prohibited person (a felon).

This story really gets to me because I went through firearms training in the academy and I am well aware of the dangers of firearms. If these are not stored properly and not handled with proper care by a qualified person, tragedies like this can occur. I put some blame on the 8-year-old boy because at that age, he should know what a gun is and how dangerous it can be, but his father is the problem behind this. That gun MUST be either in a locked container (a safe), or it should be dismantled and the parts should be separated. This is common sense and I don't why this guy didn't bother to take the necessary precautions.

If this shooting was fatal, this father should have been charged with manslaughter. He did not pull the trigger, but he provided easy access to the weapon due to his negligence and ill regard for safety.

I hope this story proves to everyone that guns are very dangerous and if you own one, which I fully support if it is legal, you better be safe with it.

-Jason

24

11 a.m.-noon

What an hour! Tonight's episode of "24" was definitely a good one. There wasn't a whole lot of action, but it laid the groundwork for some future happenings. But I have to say, that struggle at the end with Jack and the assassin was intense!! I jumped up from my couch and was standing up at that point. It felt like I was in the hospital room with them.

I can't believe President Logan is such an idiot. I remember from last season when he was the vice president but became the man in charge after the president was killed in a plane crash (Air Force One was shot down by a terrorist in a stealth fighter). He had no idea what he was doing and had several nervous breakdowns. He's still in office for this season, but I wish he would straighten up! He won't believe the first lady's story about how she found evidence in the archive room and he is way to focused on his career and legacy.

And how about Logan's Chief of Staff Cummings? What a scumbag. Atleast CTU now has evidence that he might be involved in the day's terrorism activities. And since Jack doesn't work for CTU (like he said tonight), he can do whatever is necessary to stop this moron.

I'll tell you who I don't like at CTU ... well, besides Spencer ... Lynn McGill, the guy from District who showed up and basically assumed command of the situation. I don't like his style and I don't appreciate how he took control of everything because Bill Buchanan was doing a fine job. Although I will say this: McGill saved the day last week when he figured out that Jack's "flank 2" position meant he had been captured and was being forced to feed information to CTU. With that in mind, Curtis and the other agents successfully resolved the hostage situation. Nevertheless, I don't like McGill. I sense that Buchanan is already tired of his presence.

Next week's episode looks awesome ... Jack confronts the president on Cummings, the Secret Service takes Jack down, and who knows what else. I can't wait!

-Jason

The driving range

What a strange "winter" it has been down here in the Mid-Atlantic state of Maryland. First it was cold, then it snowed in December, then it got warmer, and last week the mercury almost hit 70 degrees! Twice!

One of those warm days happened to be Saturday, the day after my birthday. So what did I do in the glorious weather you ask? Two things should come to mind: golfing or fishing. But since the fishing isn't great this time of year, I decided to break out the clubs and hit the range!

What a great feeling it was indeed. I had not swung a club since last August so I was DYING to get back into it. I was expecting my swing to look like more of a rusty gate than a fluid golf motion, but I actually came away feeling pretty good about how things went. Started out by hitting some half wedges, then some full wedges. Once I was warmed up, I moved up to the 7-iron. Ahh yes. The old 7-iron. If you took a poll of 100 golfers, I'll bet atleast 90 of them would say their 7-iron is their favorite (and most trustworthy) club in the bag.

I hit the 7-iron so well that I moved up to the driver, which was better than expected. Some 5-woods off the deck followed that, and I capped off the 1-hour practice session with some short game work. Dialing in on a flag 45 yards out, I hit about 25 balls with my sand wedge and I gotta tell ya, I was all over that target like stink on a bull! That was a good feeling.

Why am I telling you this? Beats the heck outta me. Maybe because nothing funny has happened to me this week? I gotta fill the space with something, ya know? All I am saying is that I am absolutely PSYCHED to play golf this season. I am making a promise to myself to break 80, which I have yet to do. There have been many close calls, but close is only good in horseshoes and hand grenades.

By the way, thank you everyone for the birthday wishes the other day.

-Jason

Being sick

Well, this cold/fever/thingy has been completely kicking my butt since last weekend. Aside from making me feel like total #!%$&, this sickness has been seriously cutting into my blogging time! That's a shame because it's always the kids that suffer the most.

So in honor of this maladie that has overtaken my life, I thought it would be appropriate to write a blog on it.

It all started last Wednesday night at work. What is that tickle in my throat? I sort of brushed it off and figured it was nothing. Being part of the night-owl crowd, I attributed it to being tired.

More of the same on Thursday, so at this point I started to think something might be up. I went to the store, stocked up on cold medicine, and hoped for the best. Unfortunately, this thing was just getting started.

By Saturday, my illness was pretty much full blown. Work was a struggle that night because I had a headache, my nose was constantly running, and my temperature was well above 98.6. I couldn't wait to get home and go to bed!

Sunday. Yup. I'm definitely sick now. Stayed in bed until mid-afternoon and when I got up, my temperature was a sizzling 100.6 Ohh yeah. Feelin' good. I don't have sick time at my current place of employment, so I sucked it up and went to work that night. And again, it was another long night.

I had Monday off, so it was nice to step away from it all and watch the greatest show on TV (see previous post). Tuesday and Wednesday were struggles, but I could feel myself getting better (albeit just a tad). Today? I think the fever is gone and I can actually breathe through my nose again (I didn't know I could do that!). Still not 100 percent, but work will be a bit easier tonight.

I apologize if this put you to sleep and if you made it to the end, congratulations! You have won one our grand prizes, which will be named at a later date. Hopefully something interesting will happen to me this weekend so I can atleast sound like I know what I am doing.

By the way, I turn 26 on Friday. Wow. That's old.

-Jason

The greatest show on TV

I can't believe it has been five days since my last blog! I guess you can blame it on me being sick the past few days (100.6 degree fever on Sunday) and the fact that I have been super busy looking for another place to live.

I was thinking about what to write about earlier and I had a million ideas. The Patriots' loss on Saturday night? My arch-enemy Peyton Manning and his latest playoff loss (YEAH!)? How about sounding educated for once and writing a political blog? Nope. Not so much. Fogetaboutit.

I have one number for you: 24.

I am not a fan of all the countless shows that Fox has to offer, but "24" is on the top of my list as my favorite show ... aside from Seinfeld of course. After missing the first few seasons due to lack of interest, I watched the premiere of last season's show and I was hooked after the opening 5 minutes. Seriously.

But I was not just an ordinary fan; I was psychotic. I would plan my entire Monday around "24." I had a routine 9-5 job then, so I would make sure I went to the gym, had dinner, and checked my email before the show began. I was nuts. I always sat in the same exact place on the loveseat in my parents' house, usually had the dog at my feet, and almost always had a frosty beverage next to me. I was crazy. And I loved it.

As for last season's show, it was amazing. I wasn't too happy with the ending (Jack faking his death so he could stay out of prison), but I knew the geniuses at Fox would come up with another masterful plot for the 2006 show. And after the first four hours, it looks like they have done it again.

Unfortunately, I wasn't able to watch the two-hour premiere Sunday night because I was at work. And since I don't have DVR or a VCR, I was forced to miss my favorite show. It killed me, but I logged onto the website Monday to read what had happened. I watched the final two hours of the premiere Monday night and I must say, those people at Fox do some fine work. Every minute of this show is edgy, riveting, and nerveracking. I usually end up pacing back and forth during the commercials because I can't wait until it comes back (I really do!!!).

Aside from being able to watch the show after the between-seasons break, the best part about this whole thing is that a non-24 person I know is now hooked!!! Andy Cuneo, whose blog you can click on under my links section, called me tonight and told me he was on the edge of his seat the entire time. I was like, "No kidding! I only told you that EVERY Monday night last year."

When my phone rings during "24" and it's not a fellow 24-ite, I don't answer it. And when the episode is over, I can't wait to call someone to talk about what had happened! It's just that good.

To anyone who hasn't seen the first four hours of this season's "24," you can still join the party while it's still early. A lot has happened, but you can catch up by clicking here: http://www.fox.com/24/episodes/. Every episode that has aired is broken down.

I think I'll write a review of each show starting next week. I am just so happy "24" is back after what felt like an eternity!!!

-Jason

Pickup lines

I was at work last night (a bar in Georgetown) and there were two lovely ladies sitting at the far end of the bar upstairs. Both were blond, both were hot ... well, one more than the other. I had to get behind the bar for something and as I walked by the two femmes, two clowns approached them and started talking.

I couldn't hear everything that was said because the music was loud, but I did hear this: "So, do you ladies come here often?"

What?!?! This is one of the oldest pickup lines in the book and it is the punch line of many jokes. Who in their right mind would use this? If you're intention is to take the girl home (or atleast get a phone number ... a real one), then DO NOT try this line on her. I almost burst out laughing when I heard that.

I did a google search (nice plug eh?) and came up with some funny pickup lines. Here are a few:

-Is your Dad an astronaut? Because someone took the stars from the sky and put them in your eyes.
- Do you believe in love at first sight, or should I walk by again?
-Are you from Tennessee? Because you're the only ten I see!
-Pardon me miss, I seem to have lost my phone number, could I borrow yours?
- Did it hurt when you fell out of heaven?
-I'm new in town. Could you give me directions to your apartment? ( I like that one!)
- Excuse me, do you have any raisins? How about a date? (pretty clever actually)
-If you were a burger at McDonalds, you'd be named McGourgous.
-You must be a parking ticket (or book), because you have fine written all over you.
-Here is $11. Drink until I am really good looking, then come to talk to me.

If you have a good pickup line, leave a comment. But keep them clean! Jason's Blog is a family program.

-Jason

Notes

Not feeling too creative today, so here is a notes column. Enjoy.

-I've spent the past two days looking for a place to live because I am moving out of my current apartment effective Feb. 1. I responded to a bunch of ads last night and this morning, and I've already gotten a lot of responses back! My goal is to have something within 7 days. But since I am breaking my lease early, I have to find someone to live in this place to avoid paying rent for the rest of my lease term (through July). I posted a message on craigslist.org a few hours ago and already have received two emails about it!

-Washington Redskins safety Sean Taylor was ejected from the 'Skins playoff game last Saturday for spitting in another player's face. What did the NFL give him for a punishment? A mere $17,000 fine ... but no suspension. The lack of a suspension no doubt has to do with the fact that we are in the postseason. The NFL probably figured that it would hurt more to lose a player over a disciplinary issue in the playoffs, rather than simply levying a fine on him and letting the thug play. To me, this is preposterous. Spitting at an opponent is the single worst thing any player of any sport can do. It is vile, demeaning, and disgusting. I wish the NFL had the 'nads to suspend Taylor. This is also not the first time he has been in trouble. Aside from some other on-field issues, this second-year player is currently facing trial in Miami for a felony assault case. It is scumbags like this one that ruin the face of sports.

-Remember that pineapple I bought last week (see "A trip to the grocery store" below)? I decided to break it out the other night. After a makeshift job at removing the skin, I cut some chunks off and taste-tested them. And I gotta tell you, they were pretty freekin good. There is nothing like fresh fruit.

-I noticed AMC is having a James Bond marathon. Sweet!!! I could watch those old Bond movies over and over again and not get tired of them. I watched "Dr. No" the other night, followed by "You only live twice." Last night before going to bed, I watched about 30 minutes of "The man with the golden gun," and tonight I caught part of "Goldfinger." Those films are like a drug to me.

Poker

I was watching the 2004 World Series of Poker on ESPN2 last night. Anyone watch that? It's hard to miss because it seems that EVERY cable station airs Texas Hold'em tournaments.

I actually find this pretty cool to watch. I don't make it a habit of playing poker; in fact, I haven't played for a few years. While at Northeastern in 2000-2001, my roommates and I would get together once a week or so and play Texas Hold'em. We had fun with it. I also played with a few guys nearly two years ago, but I haven't muttered the words, "flop" "turn" or "river" since then.

Occasionally I would stop channel surfing and watch no-limit Hold'em for a few minutes here and there, but I usually found it to be quite boring. Who wants to watch a bunch of guys play cards for hours on end? Is that entertaining?

But last night was different. I was drawn into this and couldn't stop watching it. I was so inspired by this, I actually logged onto partypoker.com, set up an account, and played cards until the wee hours of the morning! Don't worry folks, I was playing with play money.

I am curious, do any of you guys watch or play poker? Leave me a comment. If you're from Session 47, make sure you read the post below this one.

-Jason

Session 47

Today was one of the greatest and most rewarding days I've had in quite some time. No, I didn't win the lottery, get married, or buy a house. This afternoon, I had the priveledge to see Session 47 graduate from the Montgomery County Police Academy.

It was incredible for me to sit in the audience and watch as 46 of my former classmates received their graduation certificates. Those men and women are no longer ordinary private citizens. Today, they are police officers, sheriff's deputies, and fire marshals.

A few days after I resigned from the academy on Dec. 1, I knew I wanted to attend the graduation ceremony. I had spent nearly 20 weeks with these fine men and women and we saw each other at our best and worst moments. Words cannot describe how proud I am of all them right now.

The class speaker, Officer Kenneth Davis, highlighted some of the moments from the academy. He touched on the first day (eight hours of hell!), getting hit with OC spray, feeling the shock of the taser, and some lighter moments. It was incredible. I found myself flashing back to the time I spent at the academy and thought about everything I had done. Part of me wished I could have been up on stage with those 46 individuals, but I knew I made the right decision in leaving.

After the ceremony was over, I mingled around the stage area and said hello to my ex-classmates. Sadly, I wasn't able to personally say hello to everyone because of the large crowd in the auditorium. But I spoke to a number of session 47 members and expressed my gratitude toward them and congratulated them on one hell of a job.

Officer John Chucoski handed me a session 47 t-shirt that the class made for everyone, which was amazing. And a few weeks ago, Fire Marshall O'Neal Johnson indicated that he was including my name on the class plaque (with an asterisk). That meant more to me than anything.

The law enforcement community is one large family. The 46 new recruits are all part of session 47, but the police family extends outward. Although I am no longer part of this family directly, I still feel like I am out on its outer branches.

If anyone from session 47 reads this, I again want to say congratulations. You guys are going to be fantastic at your new profession and I wish all of you the best. Please stay safe, be careful, but take pride in what you do. The badge you now wear brings a whole new set of challenges and expectations, but I am confident you will all exceed them.

As a resident of Montgomery County, I couldn't think of 46 better people to protect me.

-Jason

Parking on a hill

In the mood for hearing about a car adventure? Read on.

After leaving work at 2:30 this morning, I walked two blocks up the street, took a right, and arrived at my car. I had parked it there hours before and I had been thinking about it the whole time ...

When I originally parked, I was leary about the spot I had found. There was a meter in front of me, making it a legal space, but I was on this awkward (and very steep) downhill/sidehill angle. The street was a one way, going in the direction toward the main thoroughfare (M Street). The spots were at a 45-degree angle to the curb. Very strange. As I sat in my car before heading to work, the engine all of a sudden sputtered and died out. After a few unsuccessful attempts to restart the engine, I gave up and walked down the street to start my shift.

When I arrived at my car after leaving work for the night, I tried and tried and tried to start it. It would start, sputter for about 1-3 seconds, and then stall. Glancing down at my dash, I noticed I was low on gas. Could that be it? Would parking on this insane street at this ridiculous angle cause this to happen? Maybe the gas is not able to reach the engine. Not wanting to take any chances, I called the good people at AAA. They said it would be about 45 minutes, so I reluctantly hung up.

But I knew I could fix this problem. Maybe it is just the gas! I knew there was a service station about two blocks down M Street, but I had no idea if it was open. I decided to try my luck and to my surprise, it was open for business! I purchased a one-gallon gas tank, filled it up, and practically ran back to my car with excitement.

I put the gas in ... re-entered the car ... turned the key ... didn't work. I could feel the engine getting stronger with its newly-arrived fuel, but it still wasn't working. After trying and trying for about 15 more minutes, I decided to make another trip to the gas pump. I wasn't convinced, but I was 90 percent sure that I had found the problem.

After buying another gallon of regular unleaded, I hurried back and repeated the process. The first few attempts had the same results, but I kept pumping the accelerator and I could feel the engine coming to life. All of a sudden, it kicked in and with my foot on the clutch, I gunned the engine to give it some fuel. Yes!! Then I threw it in reverse, backed out of my God-awful spot, and raced back to the gas station, where I filled the tank as high as it could go.

And who said I didn't know anything about cars? Just remind me to never, ever, EVER park on that street again. Not unless I have $30 of fuel in my tank.

-Jason

A trip to the grocery store

Let me start this by saying that I just wrote this long post and as I was wrapping it up, something happened and I lost the whole thing!! I'd like to add a few choice words in here to vent my frustration, but we try to keep Jason's blog at a G rating. But all that ingenious writing! Here's another version ...

I stopped at Giant Foods on my way home tonight. Is this worth a blog post? I don't know, but I am writing one anyway.

I entered the store knowing I needed the basics: bread, milk, deli meat, and bottled water. But we all know that it is impossible to stick to that shopping list we write out before leaving the house. So many things to buy!

As I walked in, the first thing I saw was the produce section. Browsing through it, I threw a couple bosc pears in my shopping cart to begin the fun. Asparagus. Oh yeah. I chop those up, pan fry them in olive oil, sprinkle on some salt pepper ... damn straight. Gotta get some of these. Apple cider? One of my favorites. Put that next to the pears. Hmmm. What else? Wandering aimlessly for a few minutes, I decided to get some dried apricots. They're always a good snack and they're quite healthy. But as I picked them up, I hesitated. Do I really want these? Not knowing what to do, I looked up and spied a display of pineapple. Should I buy one? I don't even know how the hell to open the thing. Long story short, I bought the pineapple. It is now sitting in my refrigerator and I have no freekin idea what to do with it.

Ok now what? Looking up at the signs above each aisle, I searched for bread. But I couldn't find it. yyyeeaaahh. Better take the safe route and start at one end of the store. As I reached the last aisle, I knew why I had gone that way: milk. Good call Devaney. I chose a gallon of skim milk and placed it next to the cider. Check.

The next aisle over was the pasta one. I try to keep my pasta intake to a big ole' plate of wheat spaghetti twice a week, but it's such an easy meal! Having a tendency to be lazy in the kitchen, I decided to stock up. Two boxes.

Ahh, the bread aisle. White bread, no. Finger rolls, no. Sub rolls, no. Wheat bread. Perfect. Scanning the shelf top to bottom, I found my 12-grain loaf and tossed it in. And what does every loaf of bread need? Meat of course! But wait, something is wrong. Houston, we have a problem. As I walked toward the deli, it seemed dark. Where is the deli counter meat-slicer person? Damn! Closed. At this late hour of 11:15 p.m., I should have known the deli would be shut down for the night. Guess I'll have to make a return trip tomorrow.

Having gotten everything but the bottled water on my makeshift shopping list, I headed toward the other end of the store. Ok, just a few more aisles. Don't give in to the temptation. I ended up torturing myself and taking a stroll past the snacks and baked goods, but I stood my ground and kept walking. HOO-RAAHH!

As I approached the bottled water area, I saw the frozen foods section two aisles past it. And immediately, one thing came to mind: frozen pizza. Sure, it's loaded with bad carbs, saturated fat, and calories, but they're so good! Not to mention easy ... even easier than pasta. You open the box, cut off the plastic, throw said pizza in the oven, and you're eating in 14 minutes. Walking up to the pizza case, I read a sign that said, "Tony's, 3/$10." What a deal! And what freezer is complete without a frozen pizza or two? Or three? I grabbed one pepperoni, two cheese, and headed toward my last scheduled stop of the night.

The bottled water aisle. I drink this stuff like it's, well, water. Those of you who have been to my apartment can attest to that. I always have a huge case of it in my kitchen. Surveying the shelves, I noticed something. Why are they so bare? There was hardly any water left. I saw some Poland Spring, but that costs too much. Nestle? What the hell is that? I've never heard of Nestle brand water and I didn't want to find out what it was. Where is Deer Park? I hate to say this, but Giant was out of Deer Park water and Devaney almost went into panic mode. What am I going to drink tomorrow? Oh wait, I have apple cider and milk in the cart, and some juice at the house. Wow, that was close.

Leaving the water aisle empty handed, I felt a huge void. And what better to fill that void than 12 ounces of citrus wonder? In the words of Judge Smails of Caddyshack, "How about a Fresca?" When all else fails, when there is nothing left to satisfy one's thirst, a cold, crisp, and refreshing Fresca always does the trick. With an extra bounce in my step and a huge smile on my face, I raced over to the soda aisle, grabbed a 12-pack of liquid heaven, and called it a night.

I could bore you with the details of using the always entertaining self checkout, or that my cart almost ran away from me at my car (I had to quickly dash away from my door to save the cart from a collision course with the vehicle sitting 15 feet away), but this post is long enough as it is. Maybe tomorrow I'll write about unloading my treasures from the car to the apartment. Oh yeah. Exciting stuff.

-Jason

Da Vinci Code

Has anyone else read the "Da Vinci Code?" I find it to be fantastic reading. I read Dan Brown's prequel to the book, "Angels and Demons," last summer and that was just awesome. Just before Christmas, I finally went out and picked up the "Da Vinci Code" and started reading it on the plane last Monday night on my way back from home.

I gotta tell you, this book is awesome. Haven't finished it yet, but I should be done within a day or two. Aside from the religious aspect of Brown's masterpiece, it is a great adventure/murder-mystery. The feeling I get reading this book reminds me of the one I got from watching "24" last year. Within the opening 10 minutes of the first show, I was hooked. And every chapter/hour only draws me in closer.

Have you read any good books lately? If you've read the "Da Vinci Code," what did you think? If you haven't read it but want to, read "Angels and Demons" first.

Happy New Year.
-Jason